Saturday, March 10, 2007

Modern Man

I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free.

A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstructionist that is politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect.

I’ve been uplinked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading.

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable.

I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs.

I’ve got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar.

A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps.

I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta-blockers.

I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward.

Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last!

I’m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I’ve got a love-child that sends me hate mail.

But, I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing-- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up.

I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.

I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the “F” word in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore--no soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle.

I’ve been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock.

Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide.
I’ve got glide in my stride. Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin.

I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time.

I’m hangin in, there ain’t no doubt and I’m hangin tough, over and out!"

In tribute to my hero: George Carlin. If it weren’t for you I would have not fallen in love with words !!!!

17 comments:

achinar said...

Good luck man!!!

And I thought I was fucked up!! ha!

Where is the shrink??

Maya@NYC said...

nafaskoun, enta w Carlin, shou tawil!
over-the-top, under-estimated, uniformly funny blogger / environmental minister :)

1 said...

Must be real fun, while there are 7 million people in Israel, with no ways of getting drugs either from Lebanon (since july 2006), or from Egypt (since 2005).

2 said...

Man are you black? do you do rap?

3 said...

So thats why Chavez was liking Arab asses this past year - new markets for his coc

Andrey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
4 said...

FREE FUCKS!!!

5 said...

Mr MinBeirut, we have received your CV, but it doesn't seem to include any recomendations. Be kind enough to send us some.

Coco said...

Mrasha7 3al intikhebet shi?

phil said...

citoyen du monde
mi-bourge
bon-chic-bon-genre-madame-bonjour !

Sham said...

this is beautiful..

Bashir said...

brilliant

Ana Min Beirut said...

achinar: lezem na3mil na2abeh !!!
maya@NYC: wa3d el 7orr dayn !!!!
Israeli visitor 1-2-3-4-5: Peace Man...it is all we want Peace.
Coco: iza Maya sada2it ma3eh ma badda intikhibet...3al wizara bi fard natta !!!!
Phil: mni7a minnak bil frOncais!!!
Sham-Bashir: Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Check out
"Blues for Modern Man" - By Bobby Broom
6th track on the album, I think

--Enjoy

Anonymous said...

George Carlin truly is one of the few remaining masters of the English lanuage.

Also, thanks for typing this out (or finding it) so I didn't have to!

Leafless Eve said...

LOOOOL that's good!

You should join the Axis of Evil guys... u know them? They're Arab comedians... Google them Modern Man :)

i*maginate said...

Hey, this is really cool!